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Well ladies and gentlemen, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.
There comes a time in all our lives when we have to prompt the large language model that’s included in our suite of productivity software with a poignant question about the meaning of life, the universe, and everything.
I did that just yesterday.
Prompt:
Ok why do the other dogs at the park want to hump Tonka?
Granted, the answer I got back was the answer I felt like I wanted, but not necessarily the answer I needed.
Response:
Short version: because Tonka is basically the dog‑park equivalent of a charismatic bartender — he shows up, vibes are high, and other dogs get socially overstimulated.
Translation:
“Your dog is better than their dog.”
Understand that, at this very moment, the composition of the verbal brilliance you’re reading is being periodically interrupted by my conscription as referee in the ongoing struggle between Tonka and a Roomba navigating a formidable quantity of silver-tinted hair shed by a certain Weimaraner.
Brody, the brindle beast fresh off his shift working as a hood-ornament on a Mack truck wants to hump Tonka.
Toby (short for Toblerone) the Poodle-St. Bernard mix wants to hump Tonka.
Laredo, the Chocolate Lab that looks like he’s had a few too many Wonka bars wants to hump Tonka.
That big Irish Setter whose name escapes me wants to hump Tonka.
Rascal, the dog that looks like Bandit from the old Johnny Quest series wants to hump Tonka.
Okay, in all fairness, Rascal did that the day after we brought Tonka home as a three-month-old puppy. Rascal’s not big enough to do that now without the aid of a pair of stilts.
My dog is better than their dog.
Bias confirmed.
In the grand scheme of things, the dog park represents a small, neighborhood bar where everyone knows your name.
When Tonka arrives, all the dogs yell out his name. A few of them do a couple of squats to loosen up the muscles in their hind legs to warm up for what they’re about to do.
Scout, the old hound who got it out of his system years ago, calls out to Tonka. “What’s going on, Tonka?”
“It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, Scout,” Tonka responds. “And I’m wearing Milk-Bone underwear.”
