Ladies and gentlemen, after all of these years of reading the voluminous dispatches of verbal brilliance delivered to you from a self-proclaimed stubby fingered vulgarian via a worldwide network of machinery designed to deliver the highest quality digital content ranging from small animals doing cute things to cute things doing small animals, you should know at least one specific thing about me. I shit thee not. If I’ve taken the time to enter…"Coming Around & Going Around"
As I march forth in my ill-conceived and clumsy endeavor to age gracefully, I find it only necessary to begin taking part in all of the activities which are required for men of my gender and age to undergo. I spent my late 20’s, all of my 30’s, and a better part of my 40’s doing “Dad-related” things focused around tormenting the kids with cold water wake-ups, undesirable chores, asset seizures, and general harassment. …"The Pot Diaries"
Ladies and gentlemen, there’s one thing you should probably know about my writing process. When I write, I subject myself to an auditory assault at varying decibels within a narrow genre of music in order to stay focused on delivering to my beloved readership the most precise level of verbal brilliance which has come to be expected here on the most important website you’ll visit all day. For those times where the precision…"Excellence In Juxtaposition"
Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. *squirms* It’s not every day that I sit here at the command center of the most insightful website on the whole worldwide web and fidget looking for a bit of comfort. *frantically searches the command center for a pillow* Ok, listen up. This isn’t going to be the normal thousand words of verbal brilliance you’re accustomed to around here. With that in mind, I’m just going…"More Brutality Ahead"
Ladies and gentlemen, I sit here at the outset of my 49th birthday listening to my favorites on the iHeart Radio app of my AppleTV. For whatever reason, the good people at iHeart Media can remember what songs I’ve keyed as “Thumbs Up” or “You can just go fly a kite if you think I ever want to hear that aural abortion again”, but they just can’t figure out how to include the full…"OMW 2 Fitty"