First you say it. Then you do it. A certain family friendly comedian used to include that statement in a bit he did years ago. I’m pretty sure it was in relation to wearing clean underwear. Sadly, that particular comedian has been disgraced as a result of the unmasking of his own bad behavior. Needless to say, I feel it’s now necessary to take some steps I would really rather not take. …"Standing Up"
Ladies and gentlemen, after all of these years of reading the voluminous dispatches of verbal brilliance delivered to you from a self-proclaimed stubby fingered vulgarian via a worldwide network of machinery designed to deliver the highest quality digital content ranging from small animals doing cute things to cute things doing small animals, you should know at least one specific thing about me. I shit thee not. If I’ve taken the time to enter…"Coming Around & Going Around"
As I march forth in my ill-conceived and clumsy endeavor to age gracefully, I find it only necessary to begin taking part in all of the activities which are required for men of my gender and age to undergo. I spent my late 20’s, all of my 30’s, and a better part of my 40’s doing “Dad-related” things focused around tormenting the kids with cold water wake-ups, undesirable chores, asset seizures, and general harassment. …"The Pot Diaries"
Ladies and gentlemen, there’s one thing you should probably know about my writing process. When I write, I subject myself to an auditory assault at varying decibels within a narrow genre of music in order to stay focused on delivering to my beloved readership the most precise level of verbal brilliance which has come to be expected here on the most important website you’ll visit all day. For those times where the precision…"Excellence In Juxtaposition"
It’s very rare that I come out here to an otherwise dull internet and liven it up a bit with a recounting of various relationships I’ve had over the years. Even still, I would be remiss if I didn’t take the opportunity at this time to seize the moment and do exactly that. Well hold on to your delicates ladies and gentlemen, and try to keep them dry. For all tents and porpoises,…"Regarding Winchester"