Quittin’

Thursday, 11/03 and Wednesday, 11/09 will most likely go down in history as some of the most unproductive dates produced by the year 2016.

 

Reason being is that the previous evening for both of those dates dictated that those of us interested in the outcome of this year’s World Series and the Presidential election stay up for hours beyond our regular bedtime to see if our collective dogs in the race were going to win or lose.

 

The next morning, we all dragged our corpulent rumps (happy or sad as they may be) to the cubicle farm, loaded up on sugary pastries for breakfast, installed IV poles tasked with drip feeding energy drinks into our atherosclerotic veins, and attempted to achieve some semblance of productivity while we periodically allowed ourselves to check the internet for updated reports of last night’s event, or taking to a text editor to compose an impromptu dispatch to the internet via social networking or even a blog.

 

monster-cinnamon-rollPerish the thought.

 

None the less, I’m not going to waste much more verbal brilliance on the productivity of aging Business Analysts as they negotiate the day after.  Instead, I’ll move on to a rant about quitters.

 

The quitters I have in mind are as follows:

  1. Miley Cyrus
  2. Amy Schumer
  3. Cher
  4. Whoopi Goldberg
  5. Chelsea Handler
  6. Raven Symone
  7. Brian Cranston
  8. Eddie Griffin
  9. Al Sharpton
  10. Jon Stewart
  11. Lena Dunham
  12. Chloe Sevigny
  13. Keegan-Michael Key
  14. Amber Rose
  15. George Lopez
  16. Ruth Bader Ginsburg
  17. Natasha Leone
  18. Barbara Streisand
  19. Neve Campbell
  20. Samuel L Jackson

 

I suspect there are more, however these are the names that are littering the social media networks right now.

 

So you may be wondering what all of these individuals have in common.  Aside from the race-war profiteer and the SCOTUS Justice, all of them are entertainers.  They’re all talented in their own right, however as I scour the list, I only see a handful of them whose work I’ve appreciated at one point or another.

 

Pictured above: A gazelle with dysentery at a cocktail party

Regardless of my opinions or yours of everyone on this list, it should be noted that each and every one of them worked pretty gosh darned hard to achieve the status and level of success they enjoy today.  None of them were born on 3rd base and raised thinking they hit a triple.  Instead, the crushed one into deep right field and humped it around those bases like a gazelle with dysentery at a cocktail party to get to where they are.

 

That’s right people.  They worked hard to get where they are.  They didn’t give into rejection.  They kept pushing and became masters of their own destiny.

 

In the process, they also learned how to hump it around the bases like a gazelle with dysentery at a cocktail party.

 

They did not quit.

 

Before you go back and read that again to appreciate the emphasis I put on that statement by singling it out, I’ll say it again.

 

They did not quit.

 

Guess what gang.

 

They’re quitting.  Every last one of ’em.

 

At least they’ve threatened to do so.

 

Granted, they aren’t quitting their craft.

 

That would be wrong.  Quitting their craft would entail giving up a paycheck, and Lord knows you don’t need to do that.

 

Instead, they’re quitting their country.  Each and every one of them have actually said out loud in front of some sort of recording device that they would leave the country if the Presidential candidate they despise were to win the election.

 

Spoilers y’all.

 

The despised candidate won.

 

Now it’s time for each and every one of these self-important assholes to walk the walk and deprive this beloved nation of their benevolent presence.

 

Ideally, the first response to such a threat when you’re holding the straight flush would be to call the bluff and waive a booger crusted finger at them while admonishing them not to let the door hit ’em on the way out.

 

That’s not the approach to take.

 

Instead, the aforementioned self-important assholes need to be reminded with an atomic wedgie-like message that the one person in the giant basket of turd sandwiches and giant dooshes (deesh?) which had the most invested in a win, and the most to lose with a loss has no intention whatsoever of leaving this great country of ours in a fit of rage over the outcome of this year’s election.  For that matter her predecessor didn’t do it in 2000 either.

 

So what on God’s Green Earth do they plan to achieve by leaving the US in protest of a Trump Presidency?  Are they going to carry out their war of words against this country from another like so many have done before?  That’ll go far.

 

What about those of us who didn’t see the 2008 and 2012 elections go our way?  Did we leave?

 

Shucks no.

 

We stayed and fought.

 

Certainly we bitched and griped and moaned about the raw deal brought by Obama agenda.  We continued to do so when we elected people to Congress who promised to fight that agenda, only to be betrayed by their refusal to do so.

 

We didn’t fight ObamaCare from Canada.

 

We didn’t go Spain to contest the Iranian Nuclear Deal.

 

We didn’t go to South Africa to fight over the deficit.

 

We didn’t go to New Zealand to argue over illegal immigration.

 

We didn’t go to Jupiter to call bullshit on the claims of man-made climate change.

 

Instead, we took up our fight on those issues and a host of others right here on American soil in an effort to keep our country from going down a path that we feel it shouldn’t tread.

 

Now their party is out of power and a whole litany of things are about to be done to the legacy of the current President as well as to the country which shake them to the core, and they want to leave.

 

It hasn’t even crossed their mind to stay and fight for what they feel is a more perfect union in the same manner that we have for the last 8 years?

 

Allow me to address the 20 people listed above and anyone else who has the same machinations to bolt:

 

Good Lord in Butter people!  Don’t reduce yourself to a pendulous set of meat curtains by leaving the country.  Do you really think it’s over for your ideology?  Do you really think you’ll never win another election again?

 

Believe me.  I would love for nothing more than to see low hanging fruit like you and the rest of your ilk leave.  At the same time, what are you really doing for your cause by clapping out?

 

Stay and fight the good fight.  You’ve made plenty of progress before by hanging in there before.  Do it again.

 

 

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

Type something witty and eye catching right here: