Marital Bliss In Aisle 3

Ladies and gentlemen, we interrupt our normally scheduled programming in order to bring you an act of marital bliss currently underway at the A&P.

 

Never mind the young gentlemen bagging groceries up front as he tries to gain the affections of a sweet young thing by taking a stand against his boss.  The real action is going on elsewhere.

 

Specifically, we’re going to aisle 3 where a couple is having a discussion near the bread mixes.  They appear to be in their mid to late 40’s, and one can only guess they’ve been together for easily 20 years.    Apparently, the wife has announced that they’ve received a used bread maker from her sister.  The husband has indicated that they already have a bread maker, one they received from his mom as a wedding present.

 

We now take you to the ensuing discussion, already in progress:

 

BreadmakerHusband:  We already have a bread maker.

 

Wife:  We do, but it doesn’t work.

 

Husband:  The last time I used it a few years ago, it worked fine.  I made some of that apples and cinnamon stuff.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, the husband has gestured to a bread mix on the shelf in aisle 3.

 

Husband:  Even more, we barely use the one we have now.  Why do we need a second one?

 

Ladies and gentlemen, the wife has just fixed a stare on her beloved husband that speaks more than she ever could.  The husband recognizes that stare, but has chosen to not to show it the respect it deserves.

 

Wife:  Honey, the kids are grown up and have left home.  How many TV’s do we have?

 

Husband:  Two, but…

 

Wife:  How many bathrooms do we have?

 

Husband:  Two, but the house was built….

 

Wife:  …and how many dogs do we have?

 

Husband:  Two.

 

Wife:  How many cars do we have?

 

Husband:  Two.

 

Wife:  How many computers do we have?

 

Husband:  Three, but one is old, one is about to crash, and….

 

Wife:  How many collections of Star Wars do you have?

 

Husband:  Three on VHS, one on DVD, one on DVD of the prequel, and all six movies on digital.

 

Wife:  So grab a couple of boxes of bread mix and shut the hell up.

 

 

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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