Blame It On The Video

With the recent decision by Sony to cancel the release of The Interview, the next step which needs to be taken is clear.


For those of you not in the know, The Interview is presented to us as the story of a couple of journalists who have managed to score an interview with North Korean leader and heir apparent to the cult of personality, Kim Jung Un.  In the course of the film, the CIA asks the journalist to kill their Interview subject.


Before I outline what needs to be done, allow me to make an edumacated guess about the outcome of the film.


First of all, I can’t envision that a couple of bumbling idiots portrayed by James Franco and Seth Rogen could successfully carry out such an assassination.


Second of all, I can’t envision said idiots being caught by the North Koreans, and summarily executed with bullets in the head.


That leads the outcome to one of the following possibilities:


  1.  The journalists get to a point where they are about to do the deed.  One thinks they should, the other, not so much.  An argument ensues, moral compasses are aligned, and the journalists use their craft in the media to expose the CIA for their bad behavior.


And they get away with it.


Hollywood never produces “Hate America First” pieces, do they?


  1.  The journalists befriend Kim Jung Un, and learn to see things from his point of view.  They can’t kill their friend now.  Steps are taken to fake a death or two, and everyone comes out the winner, except for the CIA.


Regardless of the outcome, I’ve got to think we’ve seen the best parts of this movie in the trailer.


So now, Sony has caved and the hackers have demanded that none of this film ever see the light of day.


What should we do?




Release a copy of the film to the internet.  Much like a Hollywood starlet taking selfies of her nekid goodies and inadvertently storing them in the cloud where any hacker can gain access to them, copies of the film would land on servers all over the world for everyone to see.


There’s two ways to do this.


Hack Sony, peruse the hateful email circulating among the executives, take a detour to the movie storage file, right click, select “Save As”, and boom.  You now have a copy of The Interview.  Upload the video to a video sharing site, and let the internet do what the internet does best.


Of course, the other way to get the movie would be for the government to take over the daily operations of the Sony, demonize the bond holders, force the executives out, and put the American taxpayer on the hook for its failure, all the while touting the move as a major success.


Yeah I don’t know that the government could do that to a private sector company though.  Let’s just call in the hackers.


Once the movie is out there, one can only guess that North Korea would follow through on some of its threats.  Fortunately, the current administration has a canned response for such an act which involves blaming the entire incident on a spontaneous protest of an internet video.  The administration would then sick their attack dogs on the director of the film, and jail him for awhile.  In the process, the President and the Secretary of State would then film of video of apology directed at North Korea which apologizes for displaying such a filthy expression of the First Amendment on the internet.


Of course, that’s all just crazy talk.


Stuff like that would never happen would it?

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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