Adventures In Consolidating Resources

For what it’s worth, I’m all about getting as much use out my stuff that I can.

 

It has nothing to do with being frugal with my resources or mindful of the environment or hippy dippy crap like that.  I’m just of the thought that if a device is equipped with the capabilities to help perform a certain task or two, then its capabilities should be exploited to their fullest extent.

 

Case in point, when the battery in your cordless drill has died on you half way through putting that last screw in the last fence picket, there should be no hesitation to turn the drill around and use its butt end as a hammer on the last quarter inch of screw that is hanging out there patiently waiting to give someone (most likely you) a reason to go get a tetanus shot.

 

To be honest, I’m not sure what the effects of tetanus are, but let me put something out there.  The word can be morphed to sound something like “testicle”.  At the same time, the word “anus” appears in there too.  If tetanus has anything to do with ailments in those areas, I’d rather make sure there are no screws hanging out of the fence in a valiant effort to give me some sort of testicle or anus disease.  That’s regardless of whether I’m up to date on my tetanus shot.  Even still, use the damn drill as a hammer and take care of the problem before it even gets started.

 

Just as a side note, that little bit with the drill (no pun intended) went in a completely different direction than it was originally intended.  If you’ve read it, just know here and now that the editor of this piece deemed it fitting of the high quality blog material found here on TharpSter.Org.

 

Editors Note:  Meh.  Compared to what’s coming up, I felt it was safe to leave the aimless meanderings of the author in there.

 

Anyway, I think I’ve stumbled on a new opportunity to get multiple benefits from one device.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, I have a problem with cats.

 

That phrase has two meanings.

 

Hope and catAs a rule, I’m no fan of our feline “friends”.  I find their independent spirit, their general misanthropy, and their refusal to plant their noses firmly into the unsuspecting crotches of unannounced (and announced) visitors to be key personality traits which are inconsistent with the qualities I require in household pets.

 

Lately, I’ve had an issue with a few of them hanging around my backyard.  When they show up, their presence sets the dogs off.  Both Faith and Hope share my opinion about cats, and would be more than happy to test the urban legend about how many lives a cat could possibly have.

 

It all started a few months ago when I put a half-ass fix in on the back fence.  Some idiot jumped up on it last year in order to peak into our backyard.  His weight put some undo strain on the fence posts which caused it to lean at an angle other than 90 degrees.

 

Once I was able to pull up the old posts and put in some used metal poles I bought from a fire sale at a failed gentlemen’s club, some new entry points were created by my using the same fence pickets that were there before.  For those of you wondering, the answer is yes.  The poles still have residual traces of body glitter on them.

 

As much as I would like to play “live and let live”, I’m sick and tired of these cats coming into my backyard, leaving the occasional turd, and getting my dogs all riled up.  The dogs can only do so much to stop them anyway.  Faith catches up and stops when the cat turns on her and tells her to back off.  Hope isn’t fast enough to catch one, however she would make a nice casserole out of one if she ever got lucky.

 

KilzI’m now forced to consider alternative measures for my issues with feline control.  It occurred to me today that there is a device out there which could potentially provide me hours of enjoyment in keeping the cats out.  At the same time, I think I could also do some work on the fence too.

 

That’s right people.

 

I’m thinking about buying a paint ball gun with white wash ammo.

 

Consider the benefits:

 

  • Paintballs hitting a cat will get their attention and sting like a mother.  It’s their own fault if they come back for more.
  • No need for stitches or a body bag.  Just an icepack and some Palmolive.
  • The fence gets white washed as a backdrop to my moving target.  I envision various silhouettes of a fleeing feline along the fence where I hit the little bugger as he was hiking his ass up over the top.

 

In other news, today (June 1st) is my birthday.

 

I harken back to this day exactly one year ago when I spent a better part of the day sitting at the DMV trying to get my driver’s license renewed with a picture that makes me look considerably fatter and balder than what I did ten years ago.  It was on that day last year that the computer system for the Texas Department of Public Safety went down.  I spent hours in that office watching one of their monitors display the word “queue” as “que”.  I would suggest to you here and now that no correction has been made or noticed by those who operate that piece of equipment.

 

Anyway, that was the day I got decked out in a couple of shirts which serve as uniforms for the organization.

 

tharpster hat
tharpster shirts

 

Today I didn’t have to undergo the same state mandated torture.  Instead, I have some cash which various members of the family have passed on to me along with witty little gift cards telling me to go buy myself something special.

 

paintball gunI haven’t made up my mind on what to buy, but I believe the field is beginning to narrow….

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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