Regarding Star Trek

I sit here on a Saturday afternoon in anticipation of consuming some leftover chicken enchiladas while I watch the SyFy channel marathon of Star Trek movies.

 

Within a matter of minutes, the first one will wrap up with the farce of Voyager VI causing problems for Earth unless it commits copious acts of unga-bunga with Commander Decker vicariously through its hot, bald, stoma sporting probe.

 

Sucks.  Bites.  Blows.

 

Ideally, the savants at SyFy could very well run all of the movies in the order they were produced.  Sadly, that’s not the case.  Instead, they will broadcast all of the odd numbered Star Trek films first.

 

For those of you unfamiliar with Star Trek lore, those are the ones that suck, bite, and blow.

 

That brings me to a discussion about the upcoming movie, Star Trek Into Darkness.  If my count is right (it never is), this will be number 11.

 

Crap.

 

Scratch that.  It’s number 12.

 

I forgot about Star Trek Insurrection.  That’s one of the flicks that sucked, bit, and blew.

 

The trailer for the new one looks good.  Of course it does.  Trailers put butts in the seats.

 

Even still, I’m holding out hope that the reboot of the series doesn’t suffer the same fate of the “every other one sucks” curse that the original reboot did.

 

Having taken a look at the ole IMDB page for this one, two familiar faces are back.

 

Those faces are Khan and Dr. Carol Marcus.

 

For those of you who may not know, Dr. Marcus had a baby once, and the baby’s Daddy was Kirk.

 

Is it possible we could see some 23rd century unga-bunga in the newest movie?  Of course we will.  Remember the last one featured Kirk getting congenial with a green skinned Ginger.

 

Even better is the absolutely brilliant casting decision to put Alice “She’s Out Of My League” Eve in the role of Kirk’s baby’s Mama.

 

In my world, she’s another one of those lovely and talented actresses who could just sit there in front of the camera watching rabid squirrels bump uglies in a cage and I would be there paying exorbitant markup on a box of Whoppers and a brain freeze inducing Icee.

 

 

One would think that as a man in his mid-forties I would keep my hormones (or hemorrhoids, take your pick) in check when it comes to lovely actresses.

 

Yeah I have nothing to refute that.  It is what it is.

 

Kaaaaaaahn!

 

This particular roll is still in dispute.  IMDB has the roll as being rumored.  In the meantime, there’s another article out there which suggest the bad guy has a generic name like Ricardo Montalban.

 

¿Quién es más macho? Fernando Lamas or Ricardo Montalban?

 

So if Khan does appear, that will be relatively kewl under the premise that JJ Abrams is capable of getting it right.

 

So help me, if this movie features Kirk yelling into space from an underground cavern created by a unstable protomatter infused Genesis device, I’m going to…….

 

kahn

 

Yeah, I probably won’t do anything but to take to the internet and bitch, gripe, and moan about the use of a pathetic hack of a movie cliché and deem the flick as in the can wlth all of the other ones which suck, bite, and blow.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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