I’d like to blame the good people at Lipton for how crappy I feel right now.
There, I said it.
There was a time in my recent past when I was perpetually plagued with sinus infections, head colds, and copious volumes of phlegm.
That’s right. I said copious.
On a regular basis I was either going through a doctor for a good Rx to fight the misery, or I would sample the latest pharmaceutical wonder over the counter in hopes of feeling better.
About ten years ago, I made some slight changes in my environmental controls which ultimately produced unanticipated benefits.
First of all, I moved into a house with tile floors. The bedrooms were carpeted, but otherwise everything else was tiled.
Less exposure to the allergens and other stuff (that’s a clinical term) that reside in carpet helped to mitigate my periodic problems with what goes on in my nose.
A few years later I found green tea. There’s one specific brand and flavor I like. I’ve tried the others and found them to be less than palatable.
There are urban legends on the healing properties of green tea. I call it urban, because I’ve never put forth the effort to validate the claims.
As I continued to drink green tea and live on tile floor, I noticed something. The head colds and sinus infections gradually went away.
No longer did I have to prepare for the arrival of cedar or oak pollen seasons. For whatever reason, I was no longer susceptible to all of that crap.
Even though I didn’t have enough hard evidence, I could track my immunity back to the green tea and tile floors. It was scientific method at its finest.
So let’s talk green tea.
Lipton makes a citrus flavor in a diet version. That stuff *was* the best.
A few years ago, Lipton started jacking with the recipe. They altered the proportions of the various citrus flavors and dumped it in a sexier bottle. It was the epitome of putting lipstick in a pig.
I noticed it immediately, and did what any responsible consumer does when they notice a product issue.
I wrote a blog about it. That particular blog turned into a crowd favorite here at TharpSter.Org because it would seem that others noticed it too.
In the years since, Lipton has made at least two different citrus flavors available. One flavor was in the traditional bottle, and the other one was in the sexy bottle.
The flavor I liked was featured in a 12 pack I used to buy, but then it happened again. The bastards changed the flavor they put in those particular bottles too.
The 16.5 ounce bottles that I used to purchase in multi-packs possess a new flavor consistent with doe urine. It seems now that the only bottles that have the original flavor that endured the taste buds of yours truly are the 20 ounce ones available through vending machines and inconvenience stores. By in large I’ve quit drinking green tea as a result. I can’t trust Lipton to make the right flavor available anymore.
Yesterday, I started to feel it.
I woke up with a pressure headache. There was a dull ache in the base of my skull. The snot factory was congested. My throat hurt and a cough was present.
This morning it was worse.
Now as I sit here watching football, I find it to be painful to yell at the TV. How am I supposed to enjoy NFL Sunday if I can’t yell at the game?
It’s just not fair.
This one is on you, Lipton.