See Ya, Kid

A little over twenty years ago when I first arrived in the Alamo city, I had access to a couple of different grocery stores which possessed a national reputation.

The two which come to mind were Kroger’s and Albertsons.  Here in town, we also had HEB and Handy Andy.

 

Nowadays, the only one of those four which are still around is HEB.

 

Most notably, one of the stores which took leave of San Antonio was Kroger’s.  It seems they ran into some problems with the union.  To resolve the matter, they packed up shop and left Texas.  This act subsequently eliminated what I’m guessing to have been thousands of jobs across the state.

 

The union had expectations of Kroger’s which were obviously not in alignment with reality.  It’s members were subsequently forced to pursue opportunities with other employers.

 

Now that I’ve covered the events of twenty years ago, lets reset the dial on the Flux Capacitor to 1977.

 

I don’t remember the exact year that we were graced with the palatable perfection of the Chocodile, however I do remember inhaling a few of those chocolaty delights during the year of 1977.

 

What in tarnation is a Chocodile, you ask?

 

Shame on you for not knowing.

 

Put very simply, it’s a Twinkie covered in chocolate.

 

It.

 

Was.

 

Gooooooooood.

 

The good people at Hostess had things figured out when they came up with that idea.  To be honest, I haven’t seen one in years and I couldn’t even tell you if they’re still made anymore.

 

Anyone who’s been exposed to the news today will see where I’m going with this.  If you haven’t heard the news, then I have the sad task of passing it on to you.

 

After 82 years in the bidness of hardening arteries and inducing sugar highs, Hostess is packing up shop and shutting down. Of course, that’s based on the tidbit I heard on the radio about the company getting started in 1930 is correct.  Otherwise, the math may be a little suspect.

 

The problem is that keeping the Chocodile out of perpetual production for the last several years has all but defined the law of diminishing returns for the snack cake manufacturer.

 

Wait a minute, that’s not right.

 

Nope.

 

You see, ladies and gentlemen, there’s one thing I left out in my story about Kroger’s when they pulled out of Texas 20 years ago.  A majority of the disgruntled union members who lost their jobs went on to find jobs elsewhere; namely Hostess.

 

They became bakers and confectioners.

 

Over the next several years, they infiltrated their way into getting the cream into the middle of a Ding Dong and a Twinkie.  The harvested coconuts with pink innards so as to make Sno-Balls.  I won’t even dare to discuss what they did to produce the Ho-Hos.

 

But then, when things hit a head and Hostess could no longer afford to accommodate their demands over a small percentage of their pension (defined benefit I suspect), what did they do?

 

They refused to capitulate and compromise.

 

As a result, I can only offer the following tidbit of advise.  Go buy a box of Twinkies, but don’t bother hoarding them.  They don’t have the incredibly long shelf life as reported.  If you scarf all but one of them down before day 25, you should be fine.

 

As for that last one, throw it in the microwave for 45 seconds.  According to the good and soon to be involuntarily unemployed people at Hostess, that’s how long it will take to explode in there.

 

Studies have yet to be conducted on how long it will take for a union demand to achieve combustion in a microwave, however it can’t be too far away on the horizon.

 

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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