Today, ladies and gentlemen, was fraught with suffrage. The worst thing about it is that I’m sitting here in a Chili’s getting really bad customer service from a flamboyant individual sporting a goofy ass Mohawk, skinny jeans, and a incredible ability to show off his colossal skills of in-attentativeness (presenteeism).
But enough of the suffering and back to the suffrage.
Today, I voted.
I voted for contaminated soil. (When I mistyped “contaminated” Autocorrect changed it to “fonts monster”)
I voted for dirty, fonts monster water.
I voted for war with any country who dares to piss us off.
I voted for e-coli.
I voted to ship ’em all back.
I voted to keep ’em barefoot, pregnant, and generally subjugated.
I voted to put ’em back in chains.
I voted to let the uninsured go without healthcare.
I voted to suppress the rights of others.
I voted to help make the rich, richer.
I voted to send jobs overseas.
I voted for the 1%.
Every single implication, fabrication, assertion, and accusation which has been uttered about the right throughout this campaign season served as a chad to dangle in favor of voting my values.
I voted responsibly.
But that’s not the only thing I did.
You may remember a sign I called attention to a few days ago which encourages simple minded souls to stop the Republican war on woman by voting Democrat.
At my polling station (heh-heh, “polling”), they had a few of those stupid ass signs stacked on top of each other.
Shortly after taking a picture for posterity sake, I called in an airstrike.