I Play Great Keyboards Of Horses’ Teeth

There is a moment in every dawn when light floats, there is the possibility of magic.

–Douglas Adams

 

If you are camped near water, you may be awakened very early in the morning by a single, loud quack. This is the signal given by a sentry duck to tell all the other ducks in the flock that a new day has begun. It is called “the quack of dawn.” Perhaps you’ve heard of it.

— Patrick F. McManus

 

 

Well, ladies and gentlemen, it’s Saturday.

 

There’s laundry to sort and wash.  Dust is accumulating.  The front yard looks pretty shaggy, but nowhere near as bad as the backyard starter kit.  This dishes in the dishwasher and in the drainer are clean and dry, along with the silverware in the dish tray.  They need to be put away.  The carpets need to be vacuumed and the toilets need to be scrubbed.  Junior’s room is a mess even though he moved out over a month ago and left it in a state he considers to be clean.  The tile floors need to be swept and mopped.

 

Even though I receive and pay all of my bills on line, I have a stack of mail from those entities who provide various services to the organization.  You would think these people would feel compelled to stop sending me mail, but the thought of saving a pre-licked stamp seems to elude them.  Instead, they send me this crap that compels me to maintain a certain level of data security because my private information may be involved.  Since the shredder is not working correctly, I’ll need to go burn my mail or break down and buy a new shredder.

 

All things being equal, I’m looking for a match and some lighter fluid.

 

That’s right people, I have stuff to do.

 

Ask me how much of it I’ve done.  I dare you.

 

Looking in the hallway, I have strategically placed piles of clothes divided among darks, lights, reds, whites, and TharpSter shirts.

 

For those of you keeping count, I have three different shirts and two hats which feature my nom de plume.

 

That’s about it.

 

I went out to Facebook for the first time in awhile today (while avoiding work) and found something quite amusing and sad at the same time.

 

I wish I could describe it or give details, but I can’t.

 

Feelings would be hurt and your favorite blogger on the whole worldwide web could find himself in a bit of a spot involving a certain creek and the absence of a good paddle.

 

In the meantime, my local mail order DVD service planted two DVDs of Curb Your Enthusiasm and The Muppets in my mailbox the other day.  Today, I’ve managed to finish watching the rest of the Larry David stuff.  Soon it will be time to watch the latest Muppets flick.

 

Here’s my concern.

 

Jason Segal is in that one.

 

The last time I rented a movie featuring him, it was “I Love You Man”.  I found it lacking at best.  Cheesy dialogue, awkward acting, stupid premise, take your pick.  I don’t really consider Segal to be the blame for my complaints, but at the same time I can’t help but to lump him into the assault on the movie watching public for mere guilt by association.

 

The last time I rented a movie featuring Jason Segal before that, it was “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”.  For those of you who haven’t seen that movie, I should warn you now that this particular film contains graphic nudity.  You know what deems nudity “graphic” don’t you?

 

Without going into too much detail, let’s just say the film will forever in my mind be referred to as “Forgetting Jason Segal’s Junk”.

 

‘Nuff said?

 

Nuff said.

 

According to the summary I just read about the latest Muppets adventure, the gang must reunite to save an old theater from a greedy oil tycoon.

 

Seriously?

 

Tell me something.

 

How is it that Hollywood continues to roll out pictures which sport the premise that a good old fashion song and dance show will save the school, the church, the theater, or whatever?

 

Bronco Billy, Blues Brothers, Paranormal Activity III, and Sister Act are just a few that come to mind.

 

None the less, I will watch it.  The Muppets go back pretty far in my life and possess some of the voices I first started to imitate.

 

That’s right, I do voice impressions.  Several of the voices that Frank Oz did (sans Miss Piggy), I’ve got them down.  Check it out:

 

Fozzy Bear – “Wocka wocka wocka!”

 

Yoda – “Do or do not.  There is no try.”

 

One of the Fraggles whose name escapes me; Dozer maybe? -” Down in Fraggle Rock”

 

Burt – “Ernie!”

 

Bet you didn’t expect to catch a couple of voice impressions on a blog today, did you?  The alternative is that you could have been doing housework.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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