You Probably Think This Song Is About You

Yes, I write and publish gag news stories.

 

Rest assured, they’re not always the easiest pieces to write.

 

In year one of TharpSter.Org, I wrote one that suggested that the President’s beloved Teleprompter (TOTUS) was actually a Decepticon.

 

Borg drones

In that same year, I wrote another story suggesting that Obama had been the beneficiary in a devious plot being carried out by the Borg collective.

 

I figure that since I never pursued a career in Journalism, I might as well put that 30 something hours of college credit to work for the greater good.  Since the profession has become an exercise in depraved indifference in recent years, why not shine a glaring light on their malpractice?

 

The key to writing a gag news story is similar in my continued attempts to write humor.

 

In essence, take a normal situation and add unusual elements to it.

 

No problem.

 

I’m all about unusual elements and have been known to infuse a few in tense situations and porcelain thrones before.

 

Make ’em twitch. That’s my motto.

 

I believe it was either on the day the Democratic National Convention started or right before, I came up with an idea for the President to put forth a bold initiative in his acceptance speech which was scheduled for later that week.

 

One interesting thing about Presidents Clinton, Bush (W), and Obama is that they all possess character traits, behaviors, and mannerisms which make it easy for us not to put certain things past them.

 

For instance, Clinton cannot say anything good about a woman nowadays without someone thinking that he’s hitting on her.  That thought occurred to me when he gave props to the First Lady in his speech at the DNC.

 

Good ole W can be attributed to behavior akin to Cowboy Diplomacy where a sufficient quantity of butts have been kicked prior to calling off the names on the roster.

 

With the immaculate arrival of Barack Obama, I personally have a hard time putting anything past this man that doesn’t involve perpetuating just how unique his life story is.  I can’t put anything past him which doesn’t involve him coming up with some hair brained scheme to demote the power of the Constitution with the legislation and policies he’s supported or the Executive Orders he’s issued.

 

So what I needed was a device that danced on that thin, thin line between plausibility and absurdity.

 

If I could come up with something that met those two requirements, then the joke within the article would be readily evident.

 

The United States flag was the idea that flashed.

 

I could write a story around the premise that Obama wants to change it to something more consistent with his perceived view of America.

 

Boom.

 

There ya go.

 

And so, ladies and gentlemen, I wrote it.

 

I wrote an article suggesting that Obama wanted to do away with the red and white stripes on the American flag, rendering it a field of blue with 50 stars.

 

Sadly, none of the major news and/or humor outlets picked up on it, so I moved on with my life by continuing to write blogs and buying the occasional quick pick in multi-state lotteries.

 

Imagine my surprise (or lack thereof) the other day when the leader of the creepy cult of personality and his reelection campaign introduced a new flag.

 

The spirit behind the design appears to be in response to Mitt Romney’s statement about 47% of the electorate being in favor of the status quo.

 

The Obama campaign is trying to convey the message that he’s out for 100% of the American people.

 

If you haven’t seen the new flag, it’s really quite a sight to behold.  Granted, it’s in no way similar to the flag I suggested before.  Instead, the stripes are still there, kinda.

 

Five red stripes are featured, and they are a duller, darker shade of cranberry versus the bold, vibrant red we’re used to seeing.

 

The social networking world has likened the stripes to blood smears on a wall at one of our embassies in the middle east after the terrorist attack(s) earlier this month.

 

The blue field with stars has been replaced with…..

 

Wait for it…

 

Wait for it……..

 

A blue Obama logo has been placed in the flag where the stars belong ladies and gentlemen.

 

Let’s summarize.

 

I suggest that Obama wants to change the flag.

 

The Obama campaign mocks up their own version of the US flag, puts it on a poster print, and offers it up for $35 a pop on his website.

 

What can I say that hasn’t already been said before?

 

Obviously such an act is just another example of the man’s perpetual hubris and his continued desire to not only maintain the cult of personality in which he is ensconced, but also to grow it exponentially.

 

 

I also maintain the fact that if the rolls were reversed and the Romney campaigne had introduced a flag like this, the response would be  considerably more ruthless.

 

Don’t believe me?

 

Romney released his tax records for 2011 this last week and was criticized for paying too much in taxes by not taking full deductions.

 

That’s right.  For taking part in behavior which Obama would like to see all rich people do, Romney was criticized.

 

So where does this leave us?

 

I’ll tell you where.

 

It brings us to a mea culpa on my part.

 

Last month, I thought I had nailed it by suggesting an act that Obama just didn’t have the audacity to commit.

 

The ink on the Internet was barely dry when I suggested that, and Obama did it anyway.

 

For that, I am sorry.

 

Going forward, when I endeavor to suggest something that Obama would never do, I will make sure that it’s further on the side of absurdity.

 

In the meantime, where’s my credit for coming up with the idea where the reelection campaign will earn a profit?

 

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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