I think it’s only necessary at this point in time to call for a moment of silence in deference to my tormentor, the sock monkey.
He will be missed.
*pause to absorb the irony of that statement*
The knife wielding knitted one was discovered shortly after noon central today where the company cafeteria was serving their version of nachos not more than 100 yards away. The cause of death is not known, however the knife in the back of his neck and the birthday balloon ribbon tied around his neck reveal that the simian’s demise came as a result of natural causes consistent with blunt force trauma and hints of asphyxiation.
Autopsy results will not be available for some time, as it’s suspected the polyester batting stuffed corpus delicti may remain in his normal abode surrounded by assorted cubicle knick knacks.
No suspects have been named as of yet, however I feel that it’s just a matter of time before fingers start pointing at me. Whereas I had the motive, my opportunity to commit such a heinous act of poetry is dispensed by the fact that I was in the process of falling victim to the *ahem* nachos at the time of the event. My only crime here is that I gushed with joy as I took pictures of the crime scene, much like parents do when they take pictures of their kids on the first day of school with full intent of posting them to Facebook.
Regardless, I’d like to thank the culprit not only for relieving me of some of my anxieties, but also for the blog material. The political piece I was going to write today can wait until tomorrow.