A Dark Story

Before the reader partakes in today’s foray into verbal brilliance, it should be understood beforehand what the author’s intent is in using the term “dark”.


“Dark” in the case of this post is the absolute absence of light.  Dark is not the result of something which is produced.  It’s the result of light being removed from a room.  A room can’t be filled with darkness if the lights are turned on.


Got it?




Many, many years ago, while riding in a car pool to choir practice at church, I was made aware of a theory of a dark universe.  The individual who explained this theory was named Libby.  She was two Libby’s short of gaining full control over the naming rights to a line of canned vegetable rights, but well on her way.  Otherwise, she was a full 3 or 4 years older than me, sported the Dorothy Hamill haircut, and was in the sixth grade, so I had no reason to doubt her.


Given that it’s important to pass on stories from the past in order to preserve our culture, I’ve opted to share that particular story here to be forever preserved on the internet.  That is of course, until the government comes up with something newer and better.


As the theory goes, there exists a dark, dark universe.  If you didn’t take notes earlier, understand that by “dark, dark universe”, I mean there are no sources of light to brighten the joint up.


Within the dark, dark universe, there are dark, dark galaxies.  One particular dark, dark galaxy is darker than the rest of them, and garners and extra “dark” in it’s name.


Within the dark, dark, dark galaxy there are plenty of dark, dark solar systems.  Rest assured there’s one particular solar system that’s darker than them all.  I ain’t gonna add an extra “dark” to it because this bit is already getting old.


In that dark solar system, there’s a dark ass planet which possesses a handful of continents.  On a particularly dark continent, there’s a country.  It’s dark too.


In that dark country, there’s a dark, dark, state.  That dark, dark state has a capital city, and boy howdy is it dark.


Within that dark city is a dark building or two, but none so dark as the one smack dab in the middle of town.  In that dark, dark building is a dark, dark toilet that rocks when the dark inhabitants plop their sufficiently dark rumps on it in order to take a dark number two.


That particular dark toilet rocks because the dark flange is not properly secured to the ground the way it should be.  A dark plumber has provided a very dark estimate to have it repaired, but the dark toilet’s owner opted just to replace the dark wax ring for now and hope for the darkest of the best.


But I digress.


Just down the dark hallway from that dark toilet is a room, which even when the shades aren’t drawn is pretty dark.  It’s adorned with a really dark desk.  On that dark desk is a dark , dark box.


Care to guess what’s in that box?


That’s right, you guessed it.


A yellow and white jelly bean.  It’s flavored to simulate hot buttered popcorn.


It tastes truly awful.


Stupid ass dark universe story.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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