Initial Contact

Speed things up.  Make them quicker.

 

That’s right people.  In today’s microwave society where we get our news instantly by means other than an evening newscast or a morning paper, we’ve become one which is dependent on instant results.

 

It’s the nature of the beast.

 

One of the little tricks we use in the 21st century in order to make things go a little faster involves abbreviating our language.  Face it people.  If you can’t speak text or instant message language colloquially these days, you’re just a matter of steps away from being generally screwed.

 

The abbreviation has gotten to a point where even our names are abbreviated at our place of work.  Bigger companies nowadays (at least one that I’m pretty darned familiar with) have relegated their employees basic profile to their initials.  Everything the employee does within the company is assigned to the initials; from basic human resource information to the network profile they use to access the computer system to perform the most basic of tasks.

 

On a side note, I wonder if the person who designates denim days has initials.  I bet they’re “BJB” for “Blue Jean Boss”.

 

Sometimes, people don’t get assigned the initials of their actual name when they get hired on.  The obvious reason is that there may be others within the company which have the same initials.  In those events, there is a consortium within Human Resources which messes with the new employees initials by adding a letter or two.  They’ve also been known to grab more than one letter from the first or last name in order to find a unique set of initials.  It’s perks of the job if you ask me.  What real joy could anyone derive from working in Human Resources?

 

Now before some of you HR types get all snitty with me, consider this.  When you were 7, and some adult asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up, did you really say that you wanted to be an HR associate?

 

I rest my case.

 

Back to the initials.

 

They’re pretty common in Cubeville, and I’m thinking about instituting an initials policy here within TharpSter.Org.  The following is just a sample of those I work with in Cubeville who are assigned to three or four letter acronyms as their name.  Their company assigned initials appear in red:

 

  • Luanne Olivia Lareaux loves to hear a good joke and is not shy or discreet with how funny she thinks it is.
  • WalTer Franklin doesn’t really appreciate being told what to do, and tends to question it and authority in the most colorful of manners.
  • Bonnie Francis Eubank lives really far away from the office, and tends to come in real early or leave late to avoid traffic.
  • Bonita Fernanda Diaz doesn’t put a whole lot of herself into her work, and could really care less about things.
  • Olivia Marie Gunderson continues to show surprise and wonder about the things she learns every day.
  • Trenton TYLer usually doesn’t have the time to discuss things and subsequently returns your calls at his convenience.
  • ROland FLorence appreciates a good joke and typically can’t stay seated when he hears a good one.
  • TiM Iverson has no filters when it comes to discussing in extreme detail the intricacies of his lactose intolerance and irritable bowel syndrome.
  • Calvin YbAnez is pretty good about making sure nothing can be blamed on him.  The man is like Teflon.
  • STanley Frederick Upton is a rude character who has no tolerance or patience for anyone who speaks to or around him.

 

 

Frankly, if you ask me, it’s amazing any of these people get any work done.

 

Speaking of initials and acronyms, I have another movie clip to show you.  Just for the record, this is probably the only time I will ever give a shout out to Robin Williams here on TharpSter.Org.  I find his entire body of work in film and stand up comedy to be derivative of, well….. Robin Williams.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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