The Coming Battle On Obesity

It would seem that things are getting worse on the front where the battle of the bulge is concerned.

 

That’s not a very unique term anymore is it?  Admittedly so, I shouldn’t have used the term “battle of the bulge” while discussing the fashionable war on obesity.  It’s a play on words which alludes to a different event.  It’s a cliché that you can see on the news, hear on the radio, or read in the paper.

 

Its not a term you should expect to read on a site which has been dispatching verbal brilliance to the Internet for well over a few years.

 

As such, I’m going to coin my own term for this country’s flaccid attempts to deal with the growing obesity concerns this nation faces.

 

Fattle Battle.

 

‘Nuff said.

 

If I were to quantify it, I can personally say that I learn of at least two reports a week where government and/or the high powered muckity-mucks in charge at federal, state, or local levels are using whatever power they have to tell people what they can or cannot eat.

 

Did you know there’s some sort of movement in Massachusetts to ban bake sales at schools?  Them cupcakes are pretty high calorie stuff.

 

Don’t forget about the 5 year old kid that had his homemade lunch taken away by some school official in favor of giving him chicken nuggets prepared by the school.

 

Remember the good ole days when we had First Ladies who took on causes of literacy and drug abuse?

 

Whether you want to scoff at the following remarks and declare them to be the hyperbolic ramblings of some radical nut on the Internet is completely up to you.

 

The Fat Police are coming if they’re not already here.

 

Consider sometime in the near future when the wellness program sponsored by your employer under duress of a pending governmental mandate deems you to be obese.

 

Most wellness programs currently in place today offer a plethora of resources ranging from biometric screenings, to interactive websites, to poorly timed phone calls from “Health Coaches”, to financial incentives in order to encourage their employees to eat right, exercise right, and generally maintain optimum wellness.

 

I see a future where that won’t be the case.  Wellness will not be encouraged as much as it’s compelled.

 

The government will compel employers to provide (not offer) wellness plans to it’s employees much in the same way they are to provide health care to the same employees.  U.S. taxpayers will have to prove they participate in a wellness program to the IRS or pay a fine.  The implied cost and bureaucracy  behind it all will replace and subsequently exceed the current fiscal impacts of the obese on the U.S. economy.

 

Obesity will be likened to financial difficulties like bankruptcy.

 

Picture a day in the near future when the extra poundage has gotten out of control.  Diet and exercise as prescribed by your government approved and assigned physician has failed.  Now the subject of the that extra 50 pounds accumulated over the last decade becomes the focus of attention at the DOF.

 

That’s right, people.  The Department of Fat will be charged with regulating personal weight so as to help manage costs for this country’s socialized medicine program.

 

When your company mandated wellness program tips off the DOF that you’re of the belief that food tastes good, you’re generally screwed.  You’ll have to go downtown to the courthouse in order to file for chapter 7 obesity.  You can do so with the assistance of a court certified health coach or in pro se.

 

Within a few weeks of filing, you’ll have to file all sorts of forms, and schedules (don’t forget the means testing) which pretty much outlines the contents of your fridge, pantry, and assorted cupboards and cabinets.  Don’t forget the extra fridge out in the garage.

 

Your calorie intake will be placed into receivership as the court mandates, dictates, and generally governs what goes into your pie hole.  The initial hearing will be grueling as the trustee asks you the most personal of questions about your diet.  Even worse about the hearing is that you won’t be allowed to wear loose fitting dark solids either to the hearing or while your caloric intake in under the control of the court.  Instead, you’ll have to wear bright spandex day in and day out.

 

It’s just a matter of time, people.  The Bill of Rights has been reduced to seven amendments in a matter of just three years.  The powers that be all over this great nation of ours are passing ordinances and laws which will keep the likes of McDonalds from adding toys to fattening Happy Meals in California, to the city of New York banning trans fats, and all of the stupid stories in between which continue to prove that the government knows what’s better for us all.

 

Of course you don’t have to believe me at this point.

 

When it actually does happen though, I’ll be here.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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