Early Morning Obscenity

This morning, at the not quite ripe yet quite obscene time of 3:50 am, silence within the compound here was interrupted not by the snoring of yours truly, but by that of a barking dog.  It wasn’t just any bark or even any barking dog for that matter.

 

Well actually it was, but that’s under the assumption that you don’t know Hope and understand her to be a plain ole dog.

 

Naturally, I have a different opinion.

 

I should warn you at this point that I’m going to use a little bit or coarse language when I summarize the reason for the barking, but understand that it was 3:50 am when it happened.

 

The bitch wanted out of her kennel.

 

Technically speaking, that’s probably not correct, because she’s kinda spade.

 

Spade, spayed, take your pick.

 

Semantics aside, I’m guessing that Hope woke up in the middle of the night and felt the urge to cop a squat.  Since she was in her kennel and not prone to pee where she sleeps, she used the only way she knows how to alert the human contingent that she wasn’t the only one that should be awake at that very moment.

 

Why is it that I’m the only one that hears that dog barking in the middle of the night?

 

If it wasn’t sick and twisted enough for Hope to bark at that time of night / morning, stay tuned.  It gets a little worse.

 

I’m tired people.

 

Care to guess why?

 

I’ll tell you why.

 

When I woke up to the “Hey I gotta pee” bark, I completely woke up without a hint of morning stupor, dressed for workout, and prepared to take the dog for a walk at approximately 4 o’clock in the morning.

 

All because the bitch wanted out of her kennel.

 

But wait, it gets just a little better.

 

I took her for a one mile walk up and down the street, returned her to her kennel, and then proceeded to the gym in order to put in some early morning cardio.

 

All because the bitch wanted out of her kennel.

 

This morning after pulling that stunt, I felt pretty good.  It’s not every morning that I can summon the gumption to git-r-done when it comes to an exercise routine.  I usually do that stuff at night.  I don’t perceive I’ll have the same gumption to do the same thing in the morning, however I’m guessing Hope may have the gumption to bark again at about the same time in anticipation of parlaying her urinary habits into another walk.

 

Sakes alive, what have I done?

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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