Dear DFW, What Gives?

Seriously?

 

During my trip to the northern branch of the organization this weekend, I’ve had the unfortunate misfortune to deal with the Dallas – Fort Worth area.

 

It should be said right here and now that there is one specific word that I typically endeavor not to use on this site due to it’s relatively high station in the realm of profanity.  I’m not going to use the term here, but let me express the fact that the traffic around this joint has inspired an increased usage of the term in yours truly.

 

Dallas – Fort Worth traffic sucks.

 

There I said it.

 

Generally speaking, there’s always been a few reasons why I dislike this area.  Their football team is primary reason number one.  Please take notice right now that my contempt for that group of debutantes and crackheads is so fierce that I won’t even mention their name here.  It’s kind of like using that word I alluded to earlier.

 

There are just some words out there which would cheapen the content on this site.

 

I can deal with the Mavericks.  I’m not a fan of theirs because it’s non-conducive with being a Spurs fan.  Mark Cuban is generally a doosh, but not so much that I’ll refuse him or his organization a mention here.

 

As far as the Rangers are concerned, they’re growing on me.  I would imagine when the Astros finally emerge from their “rebuilding” phase, I’ll jump off of the Rangers bandwagon.

 

Generally speaking, the traffic around here rivals that of a herd of monkeys trying to bump uglies with a football after coming off of a poorly planned panty raid.  Clint Eastwood used a really good term for the process in the movie Heartbreak Ridge, however it involves one of those words I avoid using here.

 

Here’s a little tip for the short bus brigade of engineers and transportation planners who are charged with figuring out how people get around in one of Dante’s levels of Hell that is the Dallas-Fort Worth area.  Interchanges can be your friend.

 

That’s not the only problem though.  As long as I’ve been in this state, there’s always been a mantra among the drivers to “Drive Friendly”.  There’s signs all over the place which say that.  This area seems to exempt themselves from that nugget of inspiration.

 

Bastards.

 

But wait, there’s more.

 

Just between you and me, DFW, has anyone else noticed that your highway system looks like an impressive phallic symbol?

 

DFW map

Seriously people.  How’s it feel to know that your local news stations can’t show an entire layout of the area when reporting weather and traffic without receiving rebuke from the FCC?

 

And with that happy thought, I’m going to pack it up and head back to San Antonio now.

 

See you there.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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