Episode I In 3D

I probably won’t go see it.

 

Obviously you know I’m going to tell you why.  Otherwise, the point of me even posting anything about it would be rather moot.  Don’t you think?

 

In no specific order other than the mere fact that they get listed as they come to mind, here are the (yet to be determined quantity) reasons why I will not go see Star Wars Episode I:  The Phantom Menace in 3D.

 

1.  I don’t appreciate seeing movies in 3D.

 

I can think of less than 5 I’ve seen  on the big screen.  There was one in the 80’s that was post apocalyptic like Mad Max.  It had Molly Ringwald in it.  I don’t remember the title, however your suspicion that Molly’s appearance ruined me for movies of that genre and medium is probably well founded.

 

Most recently I’ve seen Captain America (I think Molly was in that one too) and one of the Harry Potters in 3D.

 

What’s with the stupid ass glasses to see such a movie today?  Technology has come far enough to make something jump out at you from the screen but not without pinching your ears and nose first while inducing vertigo?

 

There’s just not enough bang for the buck there if you ask me.

 

2.  Jar-Jar Binks.

 

As much as I would like to leave it at that, I need to clarify something here about the scourge of the Star Wars saga.  One of the jokes I used to make about the first episode was that during the particularly violent scenes, I would cover the eyes of my son who was then about 5.  Whenever Jar-Jar came on screen, I was covering my own eyes.

 

I absolutely hated that character, and could never understand why George Lucas chose to transfer his lame attempts of light hearted comic relief from  an already pathetic display in C-3PO to a groin shot delivery courtesy of a klutz fresh off of the short bus.

 

As much as I appreciated his diminished role in the following two episodes, I can’t help but criticize Lucas for bowing to the pressure of his critics to get rid of Jar-Jar.  In essence, Lucas compromised his story in order to make his critics happy.  The term “sell-out” comes to mind.

 

3.  Bad acting.

 

Big picture, it’s a great story when you look at everything that happens throughout the six movies.  The unfortunate issue is that the acting is so campy, cheesy, and poor that sometimes I just sit there and fight back the dry heaves when poorly written dialogue is delivered without any attention to the craft.

 

4.  Meh.

 

I’ll probably go see the damn movie after all.  Short of that one point in the flick where an unfortunate set of circumstances causes him to be sliced in half prior to his fall to death, Darth Maul kicks ass.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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