At about this time last year, I hatched a half baked idea to provide a monthly summary of the events of 2011. By the end of the year, I would have 12 posts in which to reflect upon as we closed out the year.
My adherence to the monthly goal of providing you (my beloved reader) with a rundown of things you already knew lasted for about two months. The only thing I can really remember from the ill fated attempt to provide any laxative induced regularity to the frequency in which I publish my verbal brilliance was that the disembodied head of the late Ted Williams hijacked Google searches for about a month (give or take) in the form of a golden voiced homeless individual in order to collect on his requisite 15 minutes of fame.
One can only wonder if the late slugger has donned his cardboard and Sharpee again in order to spread the word of oldies radio at intersections unknown throughout this land of ours.
Alas the year is over, and I have no further intention of belting out a month by month blow of what happened in 2011. Presumably you were there and don’t need my accounting of it.
In the grand scheme of things, the year was generally bad for me. The demons and monsters who litter my psyche with all that just ain’t quite right with my life acted with complete and total disregard for the feelings and well being of me and those around me.
Short of a few rays of sunshine, life in the auxiliary office has gone from a slight twinge to a mild irritant to a constant exercise in enduring serious breaches of respectful behavior and common sense. Yet I move forward and invoke the tools of respectful behavior and common sense as weapons to make others justify their sheer idiocy. Chalk my use of those tools as one of the aforementioned rays of sunshine. Otherwise, I have the “Issue Management Stick” and a golden Nerf gun (both of which were Christmas gifts from the most considerate of individuals) to rise to the call of duty in the event calmer heads fail to prevail.
But you aren’t here to read my ramblings about the perils of cubicle life, are you?
You want to know about how I faired with my 2011 TharpSterLutions, don’t you?
I’ll give you the abbreviated answers so as to move on to the what I’ve set for 2012.
- No word from the crasher squirrel this last year that I can remember. I’m still looking for the little booger though.
- New grill not purchased this year.
- Still hate ’em and refuse to capitalize their name. It’s very hard to predict how they will do in any given week. This wouldn’t bother me so much if I weren’t playing Pigskin Pick’em. Bastards.
- I still call ’em that.
- Thanks to a defective scale, I lost about 15 pounds in a day this year. Otherwise the goal I set last year generally was fulfilled.
- I never did get my prostrate checked out. One’s got to wonder where you would go or who you would see in order to determine is your prostrate activities are in order. Malaprops aside, I should get my prostate checked as well. I’m thinking that may involve some prostrate-like activity though.
- Gotta do it before I can write about it.
- Bastards. Enough said.
- Remember the demons and monsters I mentioned earlier? I’m working on it.
- Avoided every single one of ’em.
By definition, the TharpSterLution is a goal which is easily obtained. If you’re pondering the thought of whether to muster anymore than a tepid response to my accomplishments (or lack thereof) over the last twelve months, don’t worry about. You’re more than welcome to join me in a state of tonic immobility over the matter.
Setting the glory days of 2011 aside, let’s forge ahead to 2012 in order to see what the upcoming leap year has in store.
- Publish a blog a day. You’ll be able to find these under the “Letters From The Past” section of this site. The challenge is going to be to come up with something worthy of publishing on a daily basis. Expect some crap every once in awhile though.
- Don’t piss ’em all off. This will only lead to a scorched Earth.
- Lose another pound. I’m thinking I’m might lay off of the fried lard this year.
- Clean house. Those two words have multiple applications.
- Resolve the syncing issues on my iPhone. They’re starting to piss me off.
- Ramp up Vote Responsibly Y’all. It is an election year after all.
So there you go. Six ugly-ass goals which in my mind aren’t as easily obtained as you may think. Tune in this time next year to see how I did.