Aliens Use Nationwide EAS Test To Launch Attack

Washington, D.C. – In a surprise turn of events, aliens from the delta quadrant launched an attack on America today from orbit just over Washington DC.  The attack happened at precisely 2pm eastern time.

At the time of this writing, cities scattered all over the eastern seaboard lay in ruin.  Buildings have been destroyed.  Fires continue to burn.  Survivors of the attack are working to gather the remains of their shattered lives and endeavor to press onward.

The Department of Homeland Security has already opened an investigation into the matter in hopes of determining exactly how the aliens caught the country off guard.  Initial findings point to the nationwide test of the Emergency Alert System (EAS) which took place at the same exact time today as the attack.

Unlike previous tests, today’s test took place with the full cooperation of all television networks and radio stations nationwide. The American public has received substantial notification of the nationwide test over the last few weeks, so it was expected that panic would not ensue when the familiar tone in the system was broadcast over radios and televisions nationwide.   It would seem the aliens knew of the event as well, and chose to exploit the phlegmatic attitude which was expected as a result.

The full ramifications of the attack will not be known for some time, as resources from all areas of the federal government are spread thin in the wake of the attack.  They will continue to be short on resources even after the arrival of the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) some time next week.

Prior to boarding an Air Force cargo plane bound for an undisclosed and secure location, DHS Secretary Janet Napolitano did indicate to reporters that testing of the EAS would be suspended until further details could be gathered about potential security gaps in it’s process.

Requests for comment from the delta quadrant aliens in high orbit over Earth have gone unanswered.

Attacks from the delta quadrant are not new to Earth, or even the United States for that matter.  The most recent assault took place throughout the 90’s, leading up to 2008 by a cybernetic race known as The Borg.  In that time period, The Borg were responsible for assimilating approximately 69 million Americans in a successful attempt to influence the outcome of the 2008 Presidential election.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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