World Canine Unity Day

World Canine Unity Day had finally come.

 

It had been years in the making.  Objectives had been set aside, dreams had been shattered, and lives had been sacrificed.  That certain innate sense of being which every living dog ever possessed was acutely focused on the visionary ambition that everyone could get along if they really wanted to.

 

Make no mistake about it.  The dogs wanted to get along.

 

For centuries, the different breeds had perpetually been at war with each other.  The Boxers and the Pit Bulls continued to brawl with each other at the most insignificant of encounters.  The Spaniels and the Collies weren’t really on speaking terms with each other.  The French Bulldogs possessed a collective Napoleon Complex , and the German Shepherds had their sights on ruling the world as well.  The French Poodles maintained an air of superiority over all of the others, and the Chihuahuas generally hated everyone.  None of them, especially the Rottweilers, liked to be pet against the grain.  Even though the one commonality among the breeds was the way they didn’t want to be pet, that one factor wasn’t the driving force to bring them together.

 

dogs-playing-pokerInstead it was a collection of paintings which presented the notion that the divisive treatment of each other could be cast into oblivion in favor of harmonious co-existence among all dogs, worldwide.  The paintings had been commissioned in order to advertise cigars, and depicted dogs of various breeds gathered together to play poker.

 

When it was discovered that representatives of  some of the most combative of breeds who participated in the most contentious of relationships could sit at a poker table with their lifelong enemies long enough for the artist to capture the image with oil paints on the canvas, the notion that unity among the breeds could be a reality quickly spread among dogs everywhere.

 

With that goal in mind, they worked for years at it.  They knew that unity wouldn’t come at the instant they called for it.  Negotiations began among the Boxers and Pit Bulls to identify where the differences between them caused so much strife.  The Spaniels and Collies worked long and hard to end the cold relationship between them.  The French Bulldogs and German Shepherds gave up their goals of world domination with the help of intensive group therapy.  The French Poodles took up aggressive community service campaigns in order to understand they weren’t the cream of the crop.  The Chihuahuas entered into a medicated therapy under the supervision of a physician in order to dispense with their paranoia.  All breeds came to the conclusion that occasional petting against the grain was going to happen, but it wasn’t worth it to focus on such a mild irritant versus maintaining unity.

 

Finally, the decades long effort to achieve peace among the breeds bore fruit.  Differences had been identified and resolved.  Treaties had been signed.  Group therapy sessions were complete.  Medication had done it’s job.  Petting against the grain still occasionally happened.   What better way to celebrate a crowning achievement than to hold a pancake breakfast?

 

With an overwhelming sense of pride and achievement for what had been done, the first annual World Canine Unity Day was scheduled.  On this day, representatives from all dog breeds from all over the world would come together and partake in a great pancake breakfast.

 

It would happen in the grandest of fashion.  The pancakes would be cooked to just the right shade of golden brown and possess the essence of fluffiness.  The butter would be soft and easy to spread.  The syrup would be warm and sweet.  All of the stops had been pulled out and no expense was spared.  This would be the day to mark the beginning of a new age of peaceful harmony among the breeds.

 

All breeds were represented.  Each table in the grand hall which housed the pancake breakfast had it’s seats full with diverse breeds.  The Collies didn’t only sit with members of the Collie delegation.  The Pekingese delegation didn’t stay just to themselves.  Neither did the Airedales or the Shih tzus limit their mingling to just their own breeds.  Even the Chihuahuas sat with other breeds, knowing deep down that they would have different feelings if it weren’t for the pharmaceutical delights which inspired them to get along with others.

 

At one end of the hall, a massive table hosted stacks and stacks of pancakes.  Copious amounts of bacon and sausage coupled with the accompanying heavenly scent of smoked pork  complimented the stacks.   A table at the other end of the hall had been assigned to various dignitaries who were instrumental in the attainment of canine unity.  A key note speaker and a poet laureate were seated as well.  Each individual table had all of the necessary piles of butter, and a merry-go-round serving device which had ample volumes of different flavors of syrup.  The walls were adorned with the different oil paintings of  dogs playing poker.

 

When it came time for the festivities to begin, the keynote speaker approached the podium at the head table and called the pancake breakfast to order.  Just as the first growls and barks of what would be an inspirational speech started to fill the hall, the lights went out.  In all of the commotion, rustling could be heard.  Various growls and barks in the hall took on a tone which were inconsistent with the unity inspired day.  The Sargent at Arms beckoned to his crew to spring into action and get the lights back on.

 

Minutes passed before the grand hall was lit again.  When switches were thrown and light filled the hall again, they only revealed the deepest of all fears in the hall.

 

The pancakes were gone.

 

The sausage and bacon was gone.

 

The paintings on the walls had been slashed.

 

In the matter of minutes, in a grand hall where dogs of all breeds would symbolize their long struggle to co-exist harmoniously with a delicious pancake breakfast, canine unity became nothing but a fleeting memory.

 

Paws and toes were pointed at each other.  Tensions rose.  The growling and snarling grew ever more present.  A few fights broke out.

 

In the aftermath, truces, treaties, and other agreements were broken.  Group and drug therapy sessions were cancelled.  Community service campaigns were discontinued.

 

A new policy was put into place among all dogs to find who was behind the theft of those pancakes on that tragic day.  Many years later, that method of careful scrutiny is still in use today.  For whenever a dog is witnessed as sniffing the back end of another dog at any encounter, rest assured that dogs worldwide are looking for the culprit who sabotaged World Canine Unity Day.

 

 

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

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