The 2011 TharpSterLutions

Fifty short weeks ago, on the cusp of a brand new year, I sat there in the southwest corner of the living room here at the TharpSter compound and drafted a game plan for the coming year.  Whereas most people I know make resolutions for any given new year, I opted to lower the bar a little by creating the TharpSterLution.  Obtainability rocks.

Before I enumerate 2011 delusions of grandeur, allow me to provide an update on how the 2010 campaign went.  As Shakespeare has previously dictated, I’ll be brief:

  1. Done it once in January.
  2. Still looking for the little guy.  I thought I had located him in the mountains of Tora Bora at one point, but he got away.  For what it’s worth, the dogs claimed to have seen him in our back yard a few months ago.
  3. Still uneasy about them.
  4. Done.  I actually lost about 15 of ‘em.
  5. Tried to do a YouTube on that one and it sucked.
  6. Fall back rocks.
  7. This one is up to debate just based on how I worded it.  As of this writing the count is about 110.
  8. Done.
  9. Remains to be seen.  I haven’t purchased it yet.
  10. Done.

 

In addition to the soft ball challenges I made for myself at the end of 2009, the year 2010 brought some unforeseen goals to meet as well.  During the summer, I took on the opportunity to manage an all star team for my son’s little league.  Parts of the experience were rewarding, however the ultimate outcome taught me a thing or two.  In addition, it brought out some behavior in yours truly that I’m not particularly proud of.  At the same time, I had a big nasty project at the auxiliary office for which I had nothing good to report.  Sure in the end the project completed when it was supposed to, but I still shudder when I look back on the dumbass things I did while trying to drag that one across the finish line.  Going forward, I will always look back on that project as “What not to do in this situation”.

We bought a second car in April.  Granted, the boy wrecked it in October, 24 hours after having a talk with the insurance agent about good driving habits.  We subsequently had to get rid of the car because it would have been too expensive to repair.

I took the kids to Colorado in March, where a snowball fight ensued.  If memory serves, another battle ensued on the same day between a feisty pair of flannel moose jammies and a realtor who had gotten in over his head.

Of all of the events which carried me through this last year, both good and bad, I would have to say the most memorable and rewarding one was the arrival of Hope on January 10th, and subsequently on March 25th.  On a daily basis, I make it a point to find the smallest little tidbit or incident which drives home the fact that the Lord is working in my life.  I don’t have to look too far when it comes to that dog.  She’s not only given me blog material, but she’s also shown us a great deal about our own humanity. 

Now that the 2010 new year’s baby has aged significantly and possesses an excess of visible ear and nose hair and a smattering of audible flatulence, it’s time to get the old geezer to the curb for brush pickup in order to make room for a new bundle of joy.  With that, I offer my 2011 TharpSterLutions.

  1.  I’m still looking for the Crasher Squirrel.  I only hope I can give him an “Atta boy” before the dogs run a stick from one end of it’s alimentary canal to the other and subsequently throw him on the grill.
  2. I’m going to buy a new grill this year.  The last one was thrown out sometime back when it rusted out in the bottom.
  3. I will continue to refer to the dallas cowboys without the capitalizing their name.  In my book, capitalization denotes a showing of respect which I just can’t muster for those crackheads and debutantes.
  4. I will continue to refer to the dallas cowboys as crackheads and debutantes.  They were referred to that way on an episode of King of the Hill once, and I never forgot it.
  5. I’m doubling my weight loss goal.  In 2011, I’ll lose a minimum of 2 pounds.
  6. At the request of a family member I’ll go get my prostrate checked out. I seem to have obtained that magic age of where I’m supposed to do things like that.
  7. Upon getting my prostrate checked, I will put careful thought into whether I should really write a blog about the process.  After all, it’s my knowledge of the process which makes me reluctant to do it in the first place.
  8. I will continue to mercilessly criticize and torch the big government types who excessively covet my hard earned, over taxed dollar.
  9. I consider myself on the verge to be a boarder line hoarder.  I can still see my floors, so I don’t think anything is so out of control where I need a therapist and camera crew to come knocking on my door.  This year, I will put the proverbial match and lighter fluid to the clutter and get it out of here.
  10. Pilates, tai-chi, and jazzercise.  These are just three of the activities I will continue to avoid on a daily basis in 2011.

So there you go.  The 2011 TharpSterLutions are now in place.  

Let’s hide and watch to see what happens.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

3 thoughts on “The 2011 TharpSterLutions

  1. You might want to check out the definition of prostrate before you ask your doc to check it! And then maybe drop the 2nd “r”… 🙂

    Glad my jammies are still making the rounds!

  2. That’s right people. One of my secret powers is the ability to spot a malaprop from a mile away. As you can tell, I come by it honestly.

    Even still, I managed to let one slip.

    Thanks Mom.

  3. i applaud your commitment to spelling and male health. as a member of your gene pool, i also suggest a colonsocopy (okay barbara, i took a shot at spelling!). there’s a blog in it, i’m sure! happy new year!

    p.s. i’ve always felt that capitalization is overrated!

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