Pounding Down TharpSter

I woke up by myself this morning without the assistance of the alarm I have set on my phone. That’s not to say I didn’t need help though. As she does just about every night / morning, the Pit Bull partook in her rigid habit of waking me up with a tongue to the face in order to convey the simple message: “Just glad to be here. I gotta pee.”

It’s 7 am on a Saturday morning at the end of August. The neighbors aren’t up. I know this because I have an opportunity to read their newspaper. I’m out in the backyard watching the dogs apply just enough canine urine (female) to the lawn in order to keep it qualified for hospice care. The 68 degree temperature is uncharacteristic for south central Texas during this time of year.

I wrote the first two paragraphs of this article on my iPhone this morning in the notes application. At the point I finished the second paragraph; the dogs approached me in their attention whore-like behavior. In one way or another, I must have shaken the iPhone enough to activate the undo feature. The only part which survived the shaking was the first sentence. Needless to say, I was a little ticked off to find that all of the efforts I executed to fat finger yet another piece of verbal brilliance without hitting the ‘M’ key instead of the space key had been rendered moot. Not wanting to lose such art again to a mere shake, I’ve decided to continue my Saturday morning soliloquy on the computer.

To me, it’s the strangest thing in which I come by the inspiration to compose these dispatches to the worldwide web. Ninety percent of the material I manage to publish comes by way of some sort of waking epiphany which presents itself when my slumber ends and my consciousness takes hold. On some of those mornings as I sit on the edge of the bed in a desperate attempt to conjure a really good excuse for avoiding the day’s agenda, the monologue between my ears kicks into high gear and I’m suddenly in possession of the next collection of a thousand words which will make its way onto my computer. Sadly, my computer and ability to publish aren’t as fast as all of the colorful metaphors which sprout up during my brain’s process of assembling my next masterpiece.

I had one of those mornings this morning. Probably one of the most memorable terms which came to mind this morning was “nipple laden corpulence”. Sure it’s a phrase which may get your attention for a moment or two, however unless there are pictures, I don’t believe it’s anything to keep a readers attention.

As much as I had wanted to fire up the pc at that exact moment in order to capture on hard drive that which was going through my head, I couldn’t. Without saying a word, I had conveyed a non-verbal energy to TreadMill & the Pit that I would take them for a walk. Canine impatience was edging out my creativity in an effort to reign supreme.

It had actually been quite some time since I had taken Faith on an early morning walk. By getting away from that ritual, there have been consequences. She’s lost the discipline of being a good doggy on a leash. At the same time, I had lost any semblance of exercise that I bother to participate in. Last night I had gotten the gumption to take her and her alone for a walk. For whatever reason, I not only had the gumption to take her again just 12 short hours later, but I also felt compelled to include our pit bull Hope.

That’s right people. Walking these two gives me 35 pounds of resistance on one arm and 55 pounds on the other. The saving grace is that Hope is pretty good with walking on a loose leash. That’s except for when Faith is present, then she follows suit with the Faith’s bad habits.

For the most part, the morning walk was uneventful. The odoriferous emanations of the morning conveyed the message to the three of us that there were skunks nearby, and they were probably in the midst of bumpin’ uglies.

As I worked to clear such imagery from my mind, I continued to focus on being the calm, assertive pack leader to the dogs. At the same time, I couldn’t help but ponder the possible danger we could be in on those occasions where we take our walk in the dark. As a perpetual purveyor of the arts which involves wearing dark solids, I couldn’t help but to think that vehicles passing by may not see the three of us humping it up and down the street. I should probably consider wearing lighter colors when I go out. The alternative would be to put some reflective tape on my shirt. Perhaps the words “In Tow” plastered across my back would do the trick.

I should probably take this moment to explain my gumption to get back into the habit of walking the dogs more regularly. Obviously, the answer to that one is easy. It’s good for the dogs and it exercises my control over them. Hope is currently going through obedience training, so such activity will reinforce the lessons and commands which she’s taking in.

Granted, there is a selfish element involved which presented itself in the form of a sebaceous cyst. Last week, I had an infected one on my sternum. Without going into a lot of detail, let me assure you that it hurt to have it removed. I’m pretty sure the term “nipple laden corpulence” came from my thoughts on discussing the cyst. Prior to the surgeon making the thing look like a coin slot, the infected red bump had a nipple-like façade.

In the process of having the cyst taken care of, I found myself on the scales both at the regular doctor’s office as well as that of the surgeon.

Geez, I’ve let myself go.

It wasn’t much of a surprise though. The spring of 2010 had been pretty stressful, what with activities I had taken on in my personal life combined with an assignment at the auxiliary offices. I don’t need to go see a shrink to understand that gluttony is probably one of my favorite defense and coping mechanisms.

I’ve gotten off lucky with it though, as I don’t have any problems like high blood pressure, diabetes, or even the cholesterol issues which one would normally associate with such bad eating habits.

Regardless, the number which showed up on the scale was way beyond what I have always considered unacceptable. I need to do something about it.

There’s a lady at the auxiliary office that has been in the process of losing weight. She does a lot of walking and she’s adjusted her diet. Based on what she’s done, I can at least start off by doing the same thing. I’ve set my goals, my timeline, and my game plan. I’m also tracking things through an app on my phone. When all is said and done, the TharpSter PounDown Event of 2010 / 2011 will have me feeling a lot better about things within the next 12 months.

That’s all I’ll let you know. I may follow up with the occasional update, depending on what creative word combinations my brain can generate on any given morning. For now though, I’ve got to wrap it up here. I’ve got to go find some reflective tape.

Randy Tharp

TharpSter is a husband to one woman, a father to two kids, a master to two dogs, an occasional cubical occupant, and unable to make up his mind on an adequate theme for this website.

4 thoughts on “Pounding Down TharpSter

  1. I coached her dog herself. It is not difficult! You too can teach your pet all over yourself. Showed great patience, confidence and perseverance. Praise and does not skimp on the treats when he does a little something you demanded of him. Scold not much, but firmly, when not obeyed. All you’ll get!

  2. Good for you Tharpster! I look forward to more updates and congrats on what you’ve accomplished so far!! Keep it up!! Just remember.. I can see you from my desk (no thats not stalking), but I will throw something at you if you eat something bad!! Hee hee!

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