So here I am in the beginning days of week two of the 2nd Annual TharpSter March Vacation. I spent the bulk of last week in Colorado touring the northern facilities of TharpSter.Org, and now it’s time to call in Office Services to take care of a few things here at headquarters.
The fence turned gate turned fence again on the western side of the compound is showing signs of deterioration at ground level. I have a sneaking suspicion that a 35lb Labrador mix has the capability to have caused the damage in my absence last week, however the suspect has yet to step forward with a self loathing mea culpa.
The TharpSter Pool which we acquired from the auto parts arm of the organization lies in wait in the garage. I may have made mention to one of the other board members that I would look to assemble it this week.
Yet still, procrastination reigns supreme.
In my own defense, I’ve actually gotten a few things done around here. There is currently a load of lights in the dryer, and reds in the washer. A picture frame dawning images of when the kids were actually cute has been sufficiently centered and hung just above the piano. I’ll be managing TharpSter Jr.’s baseball team this spring, and managed to draft a pretty good team last night.
All in all, the staycation portion of the 2nd Annual TharpSter March Vacation has so far come off pretty much as expected.
In the process, I’m afraid I have gained detailed insight into the neurosis of Faith, the TharpSter TreadMill. Even though I’m on vacation and am trying to keep the step count on my pedometer well in the double digits, I’m still receiving non verbal demands by our four legged companion to take her for a walk. Fortunately, said walk is waiting until mid-morning instead of prior to sunrise. During these constitutionals of recent days, I’ve noticed an increase of squirrels on our route. We take a different route each day, so you can only imagine we’re not encountering the same squirrel each time.
Every time we see one of the neighborhood rodents, it drives Faith nuts. Her ears perk up, her body tenses, and she develops a facial tick and a slight stutter. Face it people. If that dog were notching her collar for every squirrel she’s ever gotten, she’d have at least 1 ½ that we know of.
You’re wondering about the half count, aren’t you?
Faith’s desire to rid the yard of squirrels came when she was about one. At one point, there were a few squirrels which lived in our back yard tree. These two were particularly mean, as they were known to drop stuff on Faith as she barked at them from the ground. One day, one of the squirrels was on the ground when Faith was inside. When we let Faith outside that day, she managed to catch one of the little guys before it could climb to safety in the tree. In the process Faith bit off a better half of its tail, which subsequently left us with a half tailed squirrel throwing stuff at the dog from high up in the tree.
About a year later, I received a call at my auxiliary office (where they actually pay me to do stuff) from the TharpSter Wife. She was exceptionally freaked out about something, and was hoping I would come home to take care of a matter. That matter, of course, was Faith and the slow squirrel which didn’t get away. Faith had taken the rattled rodent carcass into the house and presented to my beloved wife as a first fruits offering. Much to the disappointment of Faith, the offering was looked upon much like how Ralphie looked upon the pink bunny pajamas that Aunt Clara gave him for Christmas.
So spring has sprung, and the squirrels are out of hibernation. Yesterday, I was sitting on the couch performing my narcolepsy exercises while listening to my iPod and watching TV at the same time. Just when I had achieved an optimum state of nirvana between the three activities, a commotion arose out in the back yard. When I finally got out there to see what was going on, I found that Faith had treed yet another squirrel. In the process, the squirrel had moved from our tree, to the fence, and then into a tree in the neighbor’s yard.
The fortunate thing here is that I have a 6ft privacy fence which is too tall for Faith to jump while in hot pursuit of her mortal enemy. Instead, she will just need to find other methods of staring at the little guys when they leave our yard.
Otherwise, squirrels beware.