Well my dear reader, the time has come. At the time of this typing, 2010 is on the outset of a mere two hours and ten minutes away. You can feel rest assured that the Board of Directors here at TharpSter.Org is well prepared for what is expected to be an uneventful transition into a new decade.
You may be asking yourself what steps I’ve taken to get ready for the coming year. If you are, I can only say this. Stop asking silly questions. As of yesterday at approximately 2:00 pm central time when Federal Express delivered my latest purchase from the internet, I was ready to absorb and/or deflect any issue that will come up in the next 365 days. That’s right, people. My day-to-day Dilbert calendar arrived, and now resides next to last years desk litter at the TharpSterCube. If memory serves, I’ve displayed this particular calendar on my desk at work for well over 12 years now.
Now that my annual ritual of knowing what day it is has been put into place for 2010, it’s now time to make a resolution or two. I usually don’t make resolutions because I tend to fail to carry them out beyond Super Sunday in any given year. Since the attempt to make resolutions I know I won’t keep has proven to be ineffective over these many years, I’ve decided to institute the New Year TharpSterLutions. Unlike resolutions, TharpSterLutions lower the bar and make the goals more obtainable. They’re relatively easy to track. Even when you forget about them, they’re easy to achieve at the last minute when you reflect on them 12 months down the road. There may be a few new things in the TharpSterLution, however for the most part they’re just a promise for you to maintain behavior that you’ve already established, whether it’s good or bad. That being said, I offer you the 1st Annual New Year TharpSterLutions for 2010.
- I have to give credit for the first TharpSterLution to a colleague at work. I’m pretty sure it would have taken me a long time to dream this one up. From now on, whenever I call some automated customer service line and I get trapped stating my name to a voice response unit, I will call off my name as “Yicky Yicky Chow Mau Mooky Allah Bing”.
- I will continue my tireless search for the crasher squirrel so as to give him a high five.
- In 2010, I will maintain my somewhat irrational discomfort with roving mariachis.
- In 2010, I will strive to lose the bare minimum of one pound. At this rate, cryogenics will be needed in order for me to obtain my ideal weight.
- In the coming year, when the opportunity arises to recite memorized statements and passages such as The Lord’s Prayer and The Pledge of Allegiance, I will recite them in a different cadence than the one which is commonly used.
- I will continue to stand against the use of Daylight Savings Time in 2010, and quote that stand as a policy statement if I should ever run for elective office.
- As of this posting, I’ve posted a total of 53 articles, rants, and colossal displays of smart-assery here on TharpSter.Org since its launch last July. Next year, I will double that number.
- At work, I will continue to use black ink, medium point, RSVP pens, even if that means I have to *shudder* buy my own office supplies.
- Next year, on December 31st when I take a picture of my old and new day-to- day Dilbert calendars, it will be later in the day than 6:20 am. (Go ahead and scroll back up to check the timestamp. I’ll be here when you get back.)
- I will continue to speak out against big government, regardless of what political party is pushing it.
That’s it, right there in a nutshell. The 2010 New Year TharpSterLutions are goals which are easily achieved. There are only a few in there that I don’t do today, so it should be pretty easy.
The comment box down below has been reserved for your TharpSterLution. If you dare post a resolution in there, I will delete it.